Word of the Year: Softness

No sooner did I choose of "word of the year" to guide my actions in 2026, the universe decided to say, "Hold my beer!" and challenge me in every way possible.

I have a friend who chooses a word of the year to focus on; she lets it guide how she moves in the world, how she responds to situations, and how she thinks about the year ahead. I thought that sounded like an interesting way to greet the new year, and I decided I wanted to have a word that could be my mantra, my inspiration. But what word should I choose?

The last couple of years have been difficult. They've been difficult for everyone, I know I'm not special, but I definitely feel the strain of it. I feel like my sharp edges have been getting sharper, and I've been losing even more of my ever-dwindling kindness. That erosion started in the early days of the pandemic when so many people showed us how truly selfish and self-involved they are, expecting people to risk their health and the health of their loved ones for haircuts and golf outings. It's only gotten worse now that the tangerine twat is back in office, and masked government goons are roaming the streets, finding even more ways to terrorize black and brown people, and so many of our friends and neighbors seem fine with it or even find ways to justify it.

I decided the word I wanted to focus on was "softness." Lately, part of my exhaustion is that my sharp edges have felt too sharp; when does self-protection cross the line into self-destruction? A sharp knife can slice your finger just as easily as a ripe tomato. Softness felt like exactly what I needed, what I wanted to try to bring to the world.

Three days after choosing softness, Renee Good was shot and killed in Minneapolis. Not long after, Alex Pretti. At the end of January, my employer went through a massive round of layoffs; my job was safe (this time), but we lost 40% of our team, including our manager. For three days, we didn't know who we even reported to as our manager's manager was already in the process of transitioning to a new role. It was like the universe heard my desire for softness and decided to test me. "Now what, bitch?!"

So what do we do? How do we pursue softness when we're descending into a dystopia where the government is actively lying to us and telling us that we aren't seeing the things we are seeing. And we are seeing it. We all heard Renee Good say "It's fine, dude. I'm not mad at you." and we all heard him call her a "fucking bitch" just seconds after shooting her. We all saw Alex Pretti get jumped by a group of ICE thugs and be shot multiple times by two of them. When people ask why we're focusing more on Good and Pretti than other people who have been murdered by ICE, I think the answer is complicated. Yes, there is a racial element to this; there are some people who will tolerate certain kinds of violence against black and brown people that they won't tolerate against white people, and that is definitely something we need to engage with.

But another element of this is the recordings that have come out from protestors, situation monitors, and bystanders. We've heard the mouthpieces of our government paint Good and Pretti as domestic terrorists who came busting into the situation with the intention of causing mayhem and destruction, and the videos from multiple people from multiple angles show that this is unquestionably not the case.

How do we practice softness when our government is lying to us, sending out barely trained mouthbreathers to murder citizens in the street to distract us from the very real crimes being uncovered in the Epstein files that threaten the richest and most powerful people in the world? What does that softness look like when so much in the world fills me with rage and frustration?

The lesson I'm taking from this is that softness has to start within: I need to be kinder and softer with myself. When I feel that anger and frustration, it's very easy for me to beat up on myself. Am I doing enough? Am I doing anything?! Giving in to feeling overwhelmed and demoralized doesn't do anything to help me, but it definitely helps them and their agenda; they're counting on us feeling like we're drowning so that we prioritize self-protection over action.

And we do need to protect ourselves: we're no good to anyone if we burn ourselves down. That's why community building is so crucial right now: we need to have enough people contributing so that when one person needs to step away to recharge, there is someone there to take their place.

Another lesson I'm taking from this is that the softness I'm practicing is not for everyone. This is a lesson I've been learning in different ways for a while now, but it keeps coming back to me which means it's an important one. We need to differentiate to whom and when we extend our kindness. You just signed up for ICE? You, sir, are not welcome to my softness and understanding. I don't want your excuses and your pleading ignorance about what they doing. We have all seen the videos, and anyone who still supports them, let alone joins them, is complicit, and I long for the day when the trials start. If you're still "on the fence," well, first of all shame on you, but second, I think you should do a little research into the Nuremburg trials and what happened to all of the people who were "just following orders."

Who I do think need a little bit of softness are the people who are finally waking up from the MAGA cult. I know that this is going to be a hot take, and I think that people are going to have all different kinds of reactions to this, but I think we need to create some space for the people who are late to the party. Yes, the best time for them to come around to the horrors of our current world was a long fucking time ago. But the second best time to come around is now. It feels like we're at a point where it's now or never, and if it's never then we won't have the support we need to see ourselves through this. If there is no space for them to land, if we tell them that they are forever stained by this, then there is no incentive not to stay with the cult because at least there, they belong.

It doesn't mean that we let them come in and center their own issues and experiences. It doesn't mean we exempt them from discussions of accountability. It just means that people join cults (consciously or unconsciously) because it gives them somewhere to belong. If you scream at them that they are in a cult, but then when they finally believe you and try to deprogram you deny them any chance at community, then they're just going to go back and we're all back where we started. You don't have to celebrate them, and you certainly don't have to put all of your trust in them. You just have to live in the hope that they really have changed and are ready to do the work.

Finally, I think softness for me means pausing before I react. There is a lot in this world that makes me angry, and that anger is immediate and fiery. And often, that fire is warranted. But that's the thing about fire: it needs to be focused. Fire can cook a nourishing meal or heat a safe dwelling in the cold of winter. It can also burn down that dwelling if you don't control it, focus it, and put boundaries around it.

That's a weird lesson for me: that softness sometimes requires firm boundaries. That these two things, seemingly opposites, make each other possible. But as the world gets harder and uglier, I think the pursuit of softness has to come from within, and it has to be bolstered by strong walls. The challenge is to keep pushing those walls a little bit further and a little bit wider, to make sure nothing good gets left outside.